Saturday, May 10, 2014

What's it mean??

"What's it mean?" is a question I get to hear from James. He
was formally Isaac, but he wanted his daddy's name... everyone together now... AWE!

What's it mean "hop" ?
What's it mean "silverware"  ?
What's it mean "thunder" ?

If you have heard my boy speak, you know his accent makes this even cuter than reading it in a blog post. The boys have been home for three months and we got our first hug six months ago. It seems like so much longer that I've known them, but like I was in Uganda yesterday. I say all this because on their three month anniversary home I got a "What's it mean?" question that I wasn't ready for...

What's it mean "I love you" ?

I immediately looked up and then butchered his language saying ng'kwaagala nyo. I love you a lot. He laughed at my attempt to speak Luganda. This exchange did not answer his question. He knew the translation, but he didn't understand "love." James told me how he didn't hear it used growing up. We must seem crazy then. I tell my kids I love them hundreds of times a day... and I sign it to them when they glance over at me or bike past the window. My kids all reply and smile and James knows it is good, but what is it. Love.

As a mom, my heart was broken and determined at the same time. My boy. My son. He can't explain love. This is my opportunity. I try to show love. I say love. I act love when I don't feel love. Now, I can put a definition to love. The pressure to explain it well was on me. I said something along the lines of...

Love is when the other person means so much to you that you don't matter anymore. If a car was about to hit you, I would rush to get you to safety even if it meant that I would be hurt. If we didn't have enough food, I wouldn't eat so that you could. If you needed clothes and I need clothes, I would buy yours first. You being safe and happy and healthy and cared for is what makes me happy. The best example of love though is Jesus. He gave His life for us because He knew that we would make lots of bad choices because we are sinners. He gave His life so we could be with Him forever.

... I don't know if that was the right answer or a good answer or the answer he needed. I don't know if he gets it. It really doesn't matter if he completely understands right now, because this momma is going to show him over and over and over and over again for as long as the Lord allows it.

Happy Mother's Day!!

I am so very thankful for my mom. I am so very thankful for my mother-in-law.

I am also very thankful that they understand that my brain is working differently this year on Mother's Day.

Tomorrow, I will be celebrating my mom along with Matt's mom and my children will be celebrating me, but I will have someone else on my mind too.

I have a photo of her. Her beautiful brown skin. Her amazing smile. Full of life. She gave life to NINE children before her time on earth was through. Eight boys and one girl. Her willingness to allow her body to bring forth so many little lives is the only reason that I now can mother James and John. Our sons. Her sons and now mine.

Tomorrow, I celebrate her. I am so very thankful for her.

Tonight, I will pray and thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me four times with opportunity to carry children naturally in my womb. It was one of my favorite times in my life :) Trinity, Emma, Azriel, and Titus are the natural fruit of our marriage. What a blessing each one is to me!!!  I will also thank Him for asking Matt and I to go and love James and John. Two boys who had to lose their mom, be given to us by their biological father, and move to the other side of the world to make me a mom of six. I cannot imagine my life without them. They bring me such joy! 

I love being a momma to each one of my children!

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