Struggle.

The post I wanted to write many times over the last week was going to be about our story. It was going to be an attempt to answer the simple and more complex questions we have received and the ones we know some are thinking. However, each time I sat down to type it up, the hours or whole day before had been such a struggle that the words just would not come. Struggle. I have a hard time using that word knowing how others are facing things much greater than those things I am facing... but to me... in this moment... I struggle. 

Business decisions and distractions. Around the house stuff from the goats knocking a hose off the pool so that water pours out and the pump makes a terrible noise to water pouring onto the floor in Titus' room from a mystery leak in the window and ruining his carpet. Medical stuff from minor colds to migraines to ER visits because of food poisoning. From filling out paperwork for financing twice to get one thing done to checks not clearing when the money is there and now knowing we have another $1000 in bills from all this stuff this week and knowing I haven't sacrificed a meal out here or a small indulgence there to lessen that burden. 

So, yes, I struggle. I am not Super Mom. <gasp>  I don't wake up each and every day excited about being the main caretaker of the four that are home already much less the three I'm working so hard to add, but I am full of joy that this is what my Father has chosen for me. He knows all my weakness and He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted (Job 5:9)  We are purposing each day as a family to thank the Lord twice as much we petition Him with our request. Today, I am thankful for the new perspective He is giving me through my children. I look at our day to day and I become overwhelmed. Then my children come alongside and help me. They are teaching me. They all absolutely argue, fuss, and fight hourly, but they also love, forgive, and care with their whole hearts hourly. They want to give up more, do more, help more. They amaze me. 
To quote Kisses from Katie...

"I am so thankful for my children's example of loving their neighbors and welcoming them into our home without blinking an eye. They see a baby who needs love and carry him off to feed, bathe, and dote on him as if doing so is the most normal thing in the world. They see a stranger who needs a home and beg me to let her stay. While I am starting to feel overwhelmed, they are feeling overjoyed at the prospect of helping someone else. We face urgent situations frequently; we see devastation sometimes multiple times a day, but my children continue to love, to hope, to believe we can help make someone's life better. 

Oh, what I learn from their beautiful hearts." 

So, I guess I answered one question today that I hoped to answer. No, I don't think my children will resent their new siblings. I do not think they will be bitter about the attention that their brothers and sister will need after living through unimaginable loss and experiences and abandonment. I know that their hearts are in this. I know all my children will hug on, love on, support, and cry with one another. I know we will struggle. This will be hard. Our patience will be worn down at times BUT these are our children we are talking about. I would lay down my life for my child... how much more will I lay down the freedom to eat out, to grab a frozen coffee, to go into busy places for awhile, to sleep, to be alone, to have quiet, to be in my comfort zone... God is preparing our hearts as a family to really live out the gospel as we bring the rest of our children home! Praise Him!
Heal my heart and make it cleanOpen up my eyes to the things unseenShow me how to loveLike You have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks YoursEverything I am for Your kingdoms causeAs I walk from earth into eternity

Hosanna, HosannaHosanna in the highestHosanna, Hosanna Hosanna in the highest        
 ------- Selah - Hosanna------

Fundraising update:87 pieces sponsored! I have been so blessed by the current friends, friends from back in the day, family near by, and family far away that have joined with us to accomplish this task. You all inspire me and encourage me when I need it most. Thank you.