That first 12 hours.

I had that first 12 hours with four children before this first 12 hours with Isaac and John on November 7th. I had held the small bundles of cuteness. I had heard the whimpers and cries. I had comforted the gifts God had place in my arms. I cherished those special moments. This was different, but I cherished it just as much.

"Flights were great. It was a long trip, but walking into our room at almost midnight to find the boys sleeping was amazing.

Both boys woke up while we were looking through our things to find our essentials. John would not speak, but he did accept his frog stuffed animal. Isaac pretended to stay asleep. I laid his sloth stuffed animal with him. He stirred for the first hour or so.

The morning was awkward. Parents waking up with kids you were never introduced to. Kids waking up with these people they've never seen before. We sat quietly for a little while... talked to them... showed them photos of their siblings... joked with them... but mostly it was quiet. We gave them the backpacks and a sweetie (dumdum.) Finally we had to force things along and get ready for breakfast. Mixed in were a few smiles and a lot of silence..." (from my email home)

I don't want to sugarcoat things. This was hard for all of us. To hear John quietly cry in his bed as he woke up that first morning and him not wanting me to comfort him. To have Isaac pretend to sleep as long as he could in his bed across the room as to not have to start the day with us. I've tried to imagine what thoughts were racing through their minds and what emotions must have been tugging at their hearts. They seemed to do better with Matt (much better actually) than they did with me. So I sat back. I photographed them sitting beside him. I talked very little. I left the room when they didn't want to change with me there.

It was hard. These boys were already my sons in my heart. God had placed them there. To them though, I was just some lady with pale skin that showed up in the middle of the night to become their mom. They hadn't heard my voice for 9 months. They hadn't had me around to soothe their cries and rush to them when they woke up scared or when they got hurt for the last 5 plus years. They didn't love me. I sure loved them already though!

"We gave them the backpacks and a sweetie (dumdum.) Finally we had to force things along and get ready for breakfast. Mixed in were a few smiles and a lot of silence... until they were around the other kids. It is nice to see their smiles and hear their voices and laughter.

I could share a thousand little details about their gentle spirits, willingness to share with friends, & much more. Some things that have stood out to me is how held back they feel they must be. How they don't speak up. How they don't hug back. YET. God loves us first. God speaks to us first. God waits on us. We will do the same for our sons.

Rest time this afternoon is over. Time to enjoy them some more and make a video for our children in VA (we miss them badly) once Matt gets back from the market." (from my email home)