Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Window

african broken window
The window. I am close enough to be able to see some of the details inside. In fact, if it had glass in it, I could press my hands against it, stretch, and place my forehead against my hands to peer to see what's waiting there.

I'm preparing for the day that I'm told to climb inside. Thoughts swirl in my mind. What will it be like? Sound like? Smell like? Feel like? What will I need?

I make a list and begin to go and gather items... all the time feeling tethered to the window. Not wanting to wander far. Not spending much time away from longingly looking into it. I don't need to keep an eye on the it, but I do anyway. I can't help it.

People try and talk to me about other things. I try and talk about other things. Each time I still steer the conversation back to the window. I catch myself. I return to the original conversation while continuing the window conversation in my head. I care about what they are saying. I do! But the window.

I've seen people inside. They wave. They send messages and pictures. Some are happy. Some are hilarious. Some, though, are really hard. Heart wrenching. The images they send back are beautifully scarred.

Every once in awhile while waiting, one of the people near me is allowed in. What a joyous day of mixed emotions! We are all half afraid to climb inside and can't wait a second more at the same time. Some of the people that come near while we wait say things like you are courageous or what a blessing or how amazing. I don't feel any of those things. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm being attacked while I stand here and I know more is coming inside, but I know it will all be worth it.

The window. I am close enough to see in and I still wait.
Why ?

Because He is placed me at this place. He is near me here.
Because I need those blessings waiting on other side of this hard climb.
The hard part now is taking a picture at Trinity's sleepover and not having to take another step back to fit them in the frame. The hard part now is loading up into the van for church and picturing them in their seats. The hard part now is Titus being the only one of my sons hiding under the table in his class this morning... Azriel being the only one telling me about the honey sticks in her class... Emma being the only showing me her drawing from learning about the Ebenezer stone in her class. The hard part now is taking out 6 bowls for lunch instead of 9. Each moment they are not here is hard.

As I have been reading blogs and watching videos, the pain of time lost with them while we wait has turned to what they have lost and will lose to come here and be with us. Their culture. Their village. Their friends. Their extended family. Their parents. ALL they have ever known they will have to lose. Adoption is ugly. Yes. Adoption is beautiful too. Yes. 

Raffle update:
Matt has sold 30 tickets! 170 more and we will pick a winner!

Puzzle update:
365 of 500 pieces sponsored! UPDATE... 380 of 500!


Also, we raised $354 in our second yard sale and were able to bless the Henrico Mercy Mall with great items that didn't sell. Search for them on Facebook! They are doing the Lord's work. Thank you everyone who gave us their items to sell and helped at each one! You know who you are.

Our new total is $6,044! Woohoo :)  UPDATE... $6,548!!

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